Looking at the flip side

Sometimes we are aware of a pattern we have, but as much as we examine it and try to fix it, we just can’t seem to wrap our understanding around it and find a solution. In cases like those, it can be helpful to look at the flip side of the pattern and do some healing on that. Think of working on the flip side of an issue like emptying a pot of water – you can use a cup or utensil to scoop out the water but it will be difficult and time consuming, or, you can just turn the pot over. If you find yourself in the pattern of often feeling like the victim, it may be likely that there are situations in which you are actually the aggressor. A coin has heads and tails, but they both belong to the same coin. By healing your aggressive side, your victim side may be healed as a byproduct.

Lets take another example. Many people struggle with low self esteem and feelings of inferiority. They feel uncomfortable with others, and it comes out in their body language and behavior. They shrink into themselves or tend to overcompensate and constantly try to impress people. And these people may get stuck thinking about why they feel inferior to others and attempt to find ways to bolster their confidence and hide their feelings of insecurity, but feel that the minute they heal one aspect or expression of their insecurity, another comes up. If they chose to look at the flip side, they might notice the people in their life with whom they do have a comfort level and are able to just be themselves. Perhaps they are people that they see as lesser than themselves in some way (less accomplished, successful, good looking, put together, etc.) and are therefore less threatening to them. They may want to ask themselves why they have a need to feel superior to others in order to feel comfortable with them rather than asking themselves why they feel inferior to many people. Or they can ask themselves what is the worst thing that could happen if they didn’t feel superior?

So next time you think of someone else playing some role in relation to you, it can be helpful to ask yourself – ‘when do I play that role in my life and how does it serve me’? Of course, once we examine the flip side of an issue, we may want to take a closer look at our value system that came to light as a result of the examination. If we perceive someone as superior, either ourself or others, what factors do we use in making that judgment and are they a genuine measure of anyone’s self worth?