Can you know from a first date?
People say not to judge someone from a first date. And there is some truth to that. But I believe there are certain things that you can take from a first date that give you some indication about the potential for a real connection. A good relationship typically means that you connect on a few different levels: emotionally, mentally, physically, and (hopefully) spiritually. Compatibility and shared goals are also important. And even on a first meeting with someone there may be indicators that will help you asses the possibility for a real lasting connection.
Emotional connection means that you feel a comfort level with the person, when talking, doing, or just plain silent. Their presence feels good and is comforting to you. It’s intimacy. Now, of course you don’t always feel intimacy with someone you just met. And sitting across the table from someone in silence may feel awkward at times even with your closest friends. But, take notice how you feel while sitting in a car with them or looking at a menu. Basically, notice how you feel when you are both semi-distracted with something else. Are you feeling sort of relaxed and comfortable with them? Are you able to feel like yourself? Does it feel (even just a bit) cozy? Emotional connection also means having compatible emotional intelligence. Do you feel that the person takes notice of the way you feel and is responsive to it?
Mental connection means that you can have a good conversation. That when you say something, you feel understood on some deeper level. That you can laugh together. That you listen when they speak and they listen when you speak and you find each other interesting. That you are genuinely curious about them. That speaking to them is fun. That you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and don’t feel the need to censor yourself or filter what you say too much. That you actually want to or find yourself telling them about yourself.
Physical connection is often tied to emotional connection and is perhaps the only thing that is not necessarily indicative on a first date. The only first date indicator I think of whether you can have a good physical connection with this person is the comfort level emotionally, because that may ultimately determine how much you enjoy their touch and physical proximity. If you are actually turned off to the person then it may not be the right person for you, but if you are sort of neutral about them, its worth giving it some more time.
Sometimes we meet people who are not the right person for us but who take us to the next station on our path and our experiences with them help prepare us for the right person. So, as always, I will say, ask yourself how you feel inside. If you get a good feeling about going on a second date then go for it, and if you get a bad or indifferent feeling you may want to delve into what is giving you that feeling and whether its a legitimate reason to say…’next!’.
