Giving up the gossip habit
In recent years I have begun to be much more careful about how and when I talk about others and the content of what I say. Gossip, even when its trivial and seems harmless can have an effect on people and the circumstances of their lives.
I recently read an article about a man (lets call him Charlie) who let someone else’s observations negatively influence his view of a woman who he would otherwise have been interested in.
The story goes like this. A friend of Charlie’s wanted to introduce him to a female friend of his. “She’s great. You have so much in common’, he said. And there were some rather uncommon odd interests that they shared, like a love of silent films. Charlie was looking forward to getting to know her, but before they even had a chance to meet up, he happened to run into another friend of his who also knew this woman and who said ‘oh forget it, you won’t like her’. The last comment stayed with him, and although he had a great time with the woman when they did meet, he subsequently blew her off. Months later, he happened to see her at a party and and wondered why he had acted like a jerk, she was great! She lit up the room and seemed perfect for him. He tried to start things up again, but she had already lost interest and wouldn’t take his calls. He felt regret at having allowed his attention to his friend’s comments to have actually eclipsed his own judgment and effected his choices.
The problem with gossip boils down to a few things:
1. You wouldn’t want to be the subject of someone’s gossip and have it affect your relationships and life, so why do
that to others?
2. We tend to feel guilty about things that hurt others, even if they give us some momentary pleasure. And when we feel guilty about things, we may subconsciously create something in our lives to punish ourselves for the perceived transgression. Why create some level of guilt in yourself by talking about someone else?
3. The world we observe around us and other people in our lives can serve as mirrors for us, reflecting back things we either like or dislike in ourselves. In the same way, the thoughts we have about others, and the words we speak about them can affect us by being reflected back as well – we are all connected at some level.
4. When we say something or think something, we have put our attention on that thing, and since energy flows where attention goes, we may create more of that thing in our life. If that thing is not positive (whether its something observed in ourself or another) it is better to disconnect from that thought and focus on something we do want more of.
But, as with everything else, the answer is always in our feelings. Next time you are speaking (or thinking) about either yourself or else someone take notice of your body and the way you feel. Do you feel really good or is there some discomfort somewhere, at some level? If there is, odds are you don’t really feel good about it and it may be better to shift focus and think and speak about more positive aspects.
