Dissecting Daydreams
Having trouble controlling your thoughts about something? Regurgitating the same tired details again and again? Playing and replaying the same scenarios in your mind obsessively?
If you’re a woman, I can bet you’ve had the experience of not being able to stop thinking about a guy at some point in your life, or at least have had a friend with that problem. You have no idea why you are so stuck on this person, and yet nothing real seems to be happening with him in your life. Or at least nothing that is emotionally healthy. Objectively speaking, he may not be that great a catch, perhaps he doesn’t treat you very well, and you don’t actually feel that comfortable with him. At some points you may actually feel that you hate him. Yet you can’t seem to get your thoughts off of him and be open to someone else. Whats really going on here?
The brain may be the major sex organ but it doesn’t always give us clear clues about how to get romantically involved with someone who is right for us, and the games and ego defenses set up by our minds can really frustrate our attempts to find a relationship that supports our happiness. Beginning by developing an awareness of what is actually going on in our minds can help us move past the problem.
Odds are, if you are thinking about someone a lot, you probably have a number of daydreams about them that you rerun over and over again in your mind. Start by really taking notice of the details of these daydreams and looking for the common denominator among them. Are you directly speaking to the person or is one of you observing the other? If you are talking to them what characterizes the verbal interaction between you? Is it playful or serious? What type of surroundings are you in? What message are you trying to send them and what message are they sending you? How do you want them to see you? What are the satisfying emotions you are feeling during or at the end of the dream? What hole are these emotions trying to plug?
The scenario you replay in your head gives you insight into an emotional lack: a problem in your life that is currently unresolved. The daydream is your mind’s attempt at satisfying an unfulfilled emotional need or putting to rest an unresolved problem. It is your mind’s best solution to the problem. It is a way to bring back some emotional balance to the currently emotions of the issue. Because it is a created solution, you will notice that there is some sort of satisfaction that is derived from the scenario. The satisfaction could come from a sense of revenge,pride or social prestige etc. The resolving emotions of the daydream are usually shallow and tend to satisfy the ego. To examine your own issue look to the “satisfying emotion” first. If you then look at the flip side of the resolving emotion it will identify the emotional lack. For example: if the feeling of satisfaction come from social prestige,perhaps you are feeling ignored in your social circle. If it comes from a sense of power from recognition of a job well done, perhaps you are feeling powerless and overlooked at work. The daydreams seem to give the daydreamer back a sense of power in a situation they may feel powerless in.
When you find some common aspects you begin to understand that this person may represent an addiction the mind has to a particular feeling and then you can use other healing techniques to remove the addiction to that feeling, like theta healing or DMT (Huna). Even if you don’t use a healing technique simply having the awareness of the addiction the next time you start a daydream can alter it and the effect it has on you.
